Awesome Train podcast #055

November 21st, 2010
THIS WEEK, the Awesome Train drinks Four Loko during the show - we give tips on the best way to photoshoot your wiener if you are going to send pictures to your lover - drunken ramblings during podcast due to alcohol (sorry) - penis size charts - ugly people now have a dating site - and some news and music.


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MUSIC FEATURED:
Heavy Young Heathens: 'Jackie Come Lately'
Teen Daze: 'Wide Eyes (Teen Daze Remix)'
Deerhunter: 'Helicopter'
Lissie: 'Pursuit of Happiness (Kid Cudi cover)'

LINKS:
Jessica Simpson's engagement is "just coincidence"
Brett Favre: Master of the Weiner Picture
Measure Up: A woman's penis size preference chart
Your laptop could be cooking your testicles
Dating website for the "aesthetically challenged"
Facebook Status Updates Tell the Story of Romance Gone Awry


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Jonathan, & Louise
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Awesome Train podcast #054

November 2nd, 2010
THIS WEEK, the Awesome Train takes the kids to a inappropriate haunted house - Taylor Swift has made her fortunes being a slut and writing about guys she banged who left her - we "bear down to push something large out of a small hole" - and some news and music.


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MUSIC FEATURED:
Kosha Dillz: 'DooDoo'
Teen Daze: 'Gone For The Summer'
Ray LaMontagne & The Pariah Dogs: 'Are We Really Through'
Keepaway: 'Yellow Wings'

LINKS:
Facebook users 'are insecure, narcissistic and have low self-esteem'
Four-Loko is "Blackout in a can"
The chicks from 'Glee' are in GQ


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Jonathan, & Louise
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Drunk Kitty

Apparently the Awesome Train is now the Cat Video Train. I can't say I complain. This video was submitted by a fan, Katie.

Stalker Cat

Submitted by Pat.

Cat Massage Therapy

We Have A Rapist in Linkin Park

Inception Cat

"Inception cat will haunt your dreams". Personally, I peed myself watching this.

Awesome Train podcast #053

September 13th, 2010
THIS WEEK, the Awesome Train has a full-on, double rainbow after school special discussion on the house of ill repute, "ye old strip club". All we can say, is "Listen buddy, I got a nice set of t&a at home to keep me satisfied". (Hit the 20 minute mark for the story, definitely worth it.) And some random news and music.


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MUSIC FEATURED:
Aracde Fire: 'Ready to Start'
Miniature Tigers: 'Bullfighter Jacket'
GroupLove: 'Colours'

LINKS:
Facebook users 'are insecure, narcissistic and have low self-esteem'
Anti-product placement with Snooki
the best of IKEA Craigslist sex
Caroline Wozniacki's U.S. Open Outfit: Is Dress Too Short?

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Jonathan, Greg & Louise
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Awesome Train podcast #052

September 1st, 2010
THIS WEEK, a guy gets pulled over marinating his cat (alive) in his trunk - Louise asserts her estrogen on the show by sharing her banana-chocolate chip muffin recipe - we try out the Harry Popper® brand condom - get some blisters on our mouth off a used condom we found - and more news and music.


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MUSIC FEATURED:
Parades: 'Past Lives'
Chief: 'Night and Day'
Teen Daze: 'June 2010'
Jimmy Gnecco: 'The Heart'

LINKS:
21 year old arrested after posing as 14 year old to join pee wee football
Anne Hathaway's pixie haircut
Hermione Granger's pixie haircut
Marinated cat rescued from car trunk before becoming owners meal
Outrage over cat tossed in trash
Boy blistered after licking used condom
Keith Stone
Harry Popper condoms
Peeping Tom at Florida Hess Station says "I didn't do anything."

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Jonathan, Greg & Louise
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Awesome Train podcast #051.3

August 25th, 2010
SHOW 51.3, and Louise 69's the ER - Jonathan slugs through another family get together - the 5 layers of chicken skin new KFC Skinwich - and new music.


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MUSIC FEATURED:
Crystal Castles: 'Celestica'
Dan Auerbach: 'When the Night Comes'

LINKS:
Denny's Fried Cheese Melt
KFC's new Skinwich

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Awesome Train podcast #051.2

August 24th, 2010
SHOW 51.2, and we are wondering if we got screwed at our neighbors garage sale - we hate Wolfman and Bounty Hunter (but love Scott Pilgrim) - Louise makes a Death Muffin - and new music.

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MUSIC FEATURED:
Best Coast: 'Boyfriend'
Sex Bob-Omb: 'We Are Sex-Bob-Omb'


LINKS:
GO SEE Scott Pilgrim VS the World

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Awesome Train podcast #051.1

August 23rd, 2010
THIS WEEK we're shaking it up, doing one new topic every night of the week. Short and sweet and new everyday! Tonight Louise sounds off about anything bi-lingual - Jonathan questions GPS dong trackers - and of course some new music.

DOWNLOAD Awesome Train podcast #051.1

MUSIC FEATURED:
The Salvadors: 'Atacama Disco'
Blithe Field: 'Bible School'


LINKS:
Bi-lingual Cuyahoga County voter ballots

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Jonathan, Greg & Louise
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Awesome Train podcast #050

August 11th, 2010
THIS WEEK, we celebrate the triumphant show #50! Special guest stars Samuel L. Jackson and center square Shadoe Stevens stop by - we hide the kids and wives per Antoine Dodson's instructions - Louise rambles out a mouse catchin' story - and more news and music.

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MUSIC FEATURED:
Sleigh Bells: 'Tell 'Em'
Wakey Wakey: 'Square Peg Round Hole'
Born Ruffians: 'The Suburbs'
The New Pornographers: 'Sweet Talk, Sweet Talk'

LINKS:
Antoine Dodson news story
Antoine Dodson remix
No McNuggest at 6:30AM=WAR
World Sauna Champion dies
JetBlue flight attendant quits by yelling at passengers, grabs a few beers and rides the inflatable slide out of the plane
Kid busted for pot and porn declares it to the neighborhood as his punishment

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Jonathan, Greg & Louise
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Awesome Train podcast #049

August 4th, 2010
THIS WEEK, we ponder getting superpowers in exchange for being affectionate with our parents - we vet Basil Marceaux's platform for Tennessee Governor - vacation stories - we try getting high off of mp3's - and more news and music.

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MUSIC FEATURED:
Neon Trees: 'Animal'
Summer Camp: 'Ghost Train'
Arcade Fire: 'The Suburbs'
Major Lazer & La Roux: 'Bulletproof (Nacey Remix ft. Matt Hemerlein)'

LINKS:
iDosing news story
iDosing sample track
Basil Marceaux wants to be your Governor, Tennessee

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Jonathan, Greg & Louise
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Awesome Train podcast #048

July 2nd, 2010
THIS WEEK, General Grievous mask (on the album art) takes on the wiener pullers of Chatroulette - we find the S. African rape condom, or as Louise calls it "a can of mace in your crotch" - we teach neighborhood dogs some obedience - should your kid have a Facebook page or a cell phone? - and more news and music.

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MUSIC FEATURED:
Gauntlet Hair: 'I Was Thinking...'
Broken Social Scene: 'Texaco Bitches'
Wavves: 'King of the Beach'
the National: 'England'

LINKS:
South African doctor invents female condom (with teeth) to fight off rapists
Jeremy London is forced to do all the drugs he likes
Racis Hallmark graduation card?
Swedish princess marries nerdy trainer
Chat Roulette

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Awesome Train podcast #047

June 8th, 2010
What the WHAT!? The Awesome Train lives? Hellz yes it does, welcome back.
THIS WEEK, we're GoGurtin' at work - inappropriately attracting men with our wine cooler drinking skills - joining our high schools wolf pack clique - covering our butt cracks with Backtacular - and more news and music.

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MUSIC FEATURED:
M.I.A.: 'Born Free'
The National: 'Conversation 16'
Last Dinosaurs: 'Honolulu'
HEALTH: 'In Heat (Javelin Remix)'

LINKS:
Teen wolves descend upon San Antonio high schools
5 Things You Might Be Doing to Sabotage Your Relationship
Chat Roulette
The Brevard County doctor who was arrested for groping a woman while dressed as Captain America with a burrito in his pants will not go to jail.
Backtacular

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Jonathan, Greg & Louise
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This video is incredible

Old Man Johnny says...

Ke$ha performed on SNL this past weekend, apparently a big hit with the kids.

First off, her name is pronounced like "Ketchup", which is odd.

Next, her 'Tik Tok' song is good but she comes across as a neighborhood girl doing a talent show. A performer she is not.


For her second song, she covered herself in glow in the dark paint and tried her best to be relevant and make you care.



Basically, she is something to look at just doing what she can to make you see her amidst Lady Gaga's craziness and she is horrible beyond her hit song.

Awesome Train podcast #046

April 7th, 2010
THIS WEEK, we're bustin' caps in home invasions - poop in (what we thought was) our girlfriends car - Greg breaks out his coke eyes for the ladies of speed dating - drop the low note singing the ABC's - and more news and music.
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MUSIC FEATURED:
the Soft Pack: 'C'mon'
Mumford & Sons: 'The Cave'
The Morning Benders: 'Excuses'
KIT: 'Animals'

LINKS:
Geek/Nerd/Dork Venn Diagram
9 Teenagers Are Charged After Classmate's Suicide
NJ Teen sold stepsister, 7, for party sex
Man caught pooping in strangers car
101 year old woman is growing a horn out of her head

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Jonathan, Greg & Louise
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Awesome Train podcast #045

April 4th, 2010
THIS WEEK, we're back with a EXPLOSIVE show. We question the best way to ruin the Easter Bunny myth for the kids - acknowledge that Justin Bieber looks like a butch lesbian - a GuyTalk topic gets "flambasted" - cut our vag while driving with our ex-husband to see our boyfriend - and more news and music.


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MUSIC FEATURED:
Bear Hands: 'What A Drag'
Mumford & Sons: 'Little Lion Man'
Vampire Weekend: 'The Kids Don't Stand A Chance (Miike Snow remix)'
Snoop Doggy Dogg: 'Doggy Dogg World'

LINKS:
The 100 Unsexiest Men of the Year
Jesse James had 11 mistress (via the Superficial)
Broken-hearted man cuts off own penis
Woman cuts vagina while driving

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Jonathan, Greg & Louise
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Hiatus

Because so many of you one of you wondered where we went to, we are on a short hiatus.

Between vacations (Texas!?) and over booking ourselves (Greg), we don't have time to put a show together. We will have a new show the week of March 29th so keep yours hands to yourself until then.

You can also subscribe to the PODCAST on iTunes and be notified when a new show is up.

Stay vigilant.

I'm Wearing Green

So I feel like a total ass today.

This morning while running a errand I saw a older woman wearing a shamrock scarf. "HARUMPH!" I said to myself and scoffed at her. "Look at this loser wearing a St. Patrick's day scarf. Clearly she has no friends and is a loser who dresses up for holidays." (Yes, I judged her purely for wearing a holiday scarf).

I end up getting into work and while standing around talking with co-workers, someone says "Oh look! If only Sally had wore green we would all match!" I think to myself, "WTF is this person talking about." I look around and see everyone is wearing green -- then I quickly realize they are doing this because it is St. Patrick's Day -- I then realize that inadvertently put on a green sweater today.

So despite all my efforts to hate on and judge people who dress according to the holiday, I became one of them.


"LOOK AT ME! It's St. Patrick's Day and I am wearing green with all my co-workers to celebrate. We are a really cool bunch. We were red on Valentine's Day and orange for Halloween and we get really crazy and wear RED WHITE AND BLUE on the Fourth of July!"

We Work Hard…. But We Play Hard Too!

One thing in my ever-growing list of things that annoy me about corporate America is this concept of “work hard/play hard.” Who came up with this? It is basically the most annoying blend of pompous self-importance and annoying, overage frat-boy that I can imagine.

Interviewer: (very serious tone) As you can see our company is very busy. Its not uncommon to work 70 hours in a week here. We work really hard… (fake smile and lighthearted tone) But we also like to have fun! Our department is crazy! You never know when there's going to be NERF footballs flying around! I mean who has NERF footballs in an office?!? How zany is that!?!? We work hard... but we play even harder! (fake laugh and awkward pat on the shoulder) We go to happy hours on Fridays! Just the other day O’Donnell and the other partners took us out to Applebees after we got off work at 7:30. They picked up the whole tab! One of the guys here, Timmy… Timmy’s a big drinker. Seriously that guy is crazy and you’ve probably never met or spent your whole college career hating anyone like him… Anyway, Timmy was so drunk!!! I have no idea how he drove home. I bet his wife was ticked!! But he sure was late when he got in on Saturday morning…

Kill me.

Awesome Train podcast #044

March 3rd, 2010
THIS WEEK, we get indecent proposals from belly scratchers - put up some towel curtains in the bachelor pad (for the ladies) - Steven Seagal is the biggest 'Steven' celebrity Louise knows - booze it up with a chimp and go to rehab - and more news and music.


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MUSIC FEATURED:
Spoon: 'Trouble Comes Running'
Vampire Weekend: 'Diplomat's Son'
Spoon: 'Goodnight Laura'

LINKS:
Disguised weapons
Noah's Ark sandwich
Line-up for 2010 Dancing with the Stars

VIDEO:
Wii fail

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Jonathan, Greg & Louise
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Awesome Train podcast #043

February 24th, 2010
THIS WEEK, we mangle our digits in 2mph crashes - join class action lawsuits for the fun of it - Girl Talk gets hit on - accept marriage proposals the best way we know - and more news and music.


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MUSIC FEATURED:
Sleigh Bells: 'Crown on the Ground'
Oberhofer: 'Dead Girls Dance'
Hellogoodbye: 'When We First Met'
Dan Deacon: 'Slow with horns / Run for your life'

NEWS:
Hilary Duff: The Right Way To Accept a Marriage Proposal via the Superficial
Too smelly to fly?

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Jonathan, Greg & Louise
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James Cameron's 'Avatar'

Awesome Train podcast #042

February 17th, 2010
THIS WEEK, we fight off substance abuse (to nasal spray?) - we put up posters of the too fabulous men's figure skater, Johnny Weir - racist couples - Girl Talk realizes men lie (duh) - we open up the Blog Mail Bag - and more news and music.


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MUSIC FEATURED:
Big Spider's Back: 'Perfect Machine'
Timber Timbre: 'Lay Down in the Tall Grass'
Wild Nothing: 'Vultures Like Lovers'
Matt Pond PA: 'Everything Until The East Coast Ends'

NEWS:
10 Things You Need To Know About Flamboyant U.S. Skater Johnny Weir
Drunk woman demands conjugal visit with inmate
Louise and Jonathan think this girl on LOST looks like this girl on LOST.

VIDEO:
Madison Square Garden Jumbotron proposal doesn't end well

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Hey, Guy-Who-Sends-His-Girlfriend-Flowers-At-The-Office...

Hey Guy-Who-Sends-His-Girlfriend-Flowers-At-The-Office. How ya been?

Listen, I've been meaning to talk to you - you're a douche.

We get it, buddy. You love your girlfriend/wife/spouse/life partner and she's REALLY important to you. So important that you feel the need to make a scene in front of all her co-workers so even THEY know how important she is to you.

Well guess what? No one gives a shit! What are we going to do with your fancy show other than think you are a sissy mo-bag. Why not take it to the next level and propose to her at our next staff meeting? Sounds about what you would do.

What you should have gotten was a Valentine's day gift for yourself - removing your balls from your stomach where they've been hiding since you started dating shnookum-pants.

I can't wait to see you again, when you are proposing to your girlfriend on the Jumbotron. Love you and your showy displays of public love!

Jonathan

Awesome Train podcast #041

February 10th, 2010
THIS WEEK, the fart show! Greg is called out for his lack of fart etiquette and Jonathan admits to a odd practice - Louise wonders if 46 yr old women can get away with pigtails - scuba divers attack Google Maps - plastic surgery to look like Jessica Alba in a effort to win your boyfriend back - the Spiderman move is unveiled - and more news and music.


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MUSIC FEATURED:
Young Money: 'Bedrock'
Brazos: 'Day Glo'
Darwin Deez: 'Bad Day'
Toro Y Moi: 'Talamak'

NEWS:
John Mayer: Jessica Simpson Was "Crazy" in Bed
Angry Norwegians in scuba gear chase after Google Street View car
Jessica Alba: don't get plastic surgery to look like me to win back boyfriend
Now that's cold! NYC terrier mugged

AUDIO:
Parma State of Mind (mp3)

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Jonathan, Greg & Louise
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Why not?

Alaska Nanooks 2010 Hockey Intro from Szymon Weglarski on Vimeo.

Edge of Darkness

Did you see the previews for this new movie with Mel Gibson? He’s some type of super-cop-detective (original) and his activist daughter gets murdered! A completely unpredictable sequence of events ensues leading him to conduct a rogue investigation!!! He uncovers all sorts of government conspiracies and cover-ups and stupid bullshit crap. Aside from the lame plot, one element to this movie irks me to no end and it is not unique to this movie, so I will address it in an open letter to Hollywood:

Dear Hollywood,

Hi.

It’s been awhile. How are you? Good? Oh good…. yeah… I’m good too… You look good…. No really… yeah… so…. yeah… This is awkward. I’ve been staying away from you lately, mainly because of your horrible stories and cheesy scripts that you try to hide with CRAZY special effects. And they are CRAZY!! Hahaha! Oh, they are crazy…

Now don’t get me wrong, this phase has led to instant classics such as Poseidon and the recent 2012. And I do appreciate the effort, but I digress…

I’m writing to address your recent fascination with old, washed-up actors playing tough guys. Yes, we all liked Taken. But I have some bad news - old men don’t beat people up. (I’m looking at you, Harrison Ford in Indiana Jones!) Old men don’t fight government agents and mercenaries!! Old men watch NCIS in recliners, complain about back pain, and run out of energy walking up the stairs. I’m sorry, Hollywood. While I’d like to believe Mel Gibson can beat up 25 year-olds with knives and guns (I actually don’t want to believe that at all…), I don’t.

In conclusion, please return to your wheelhouse of making crappy, look-what-we-can-do-with-CGI-movies directed by Michael Bay.

Sincerely,
Greg

Awesome Train podcast #040

February 3rd, 2010
THIS WEEK, Greg takes over AT #40, teaching 5 year olds about safe sex - we discuss our bids for reality TV - wearing Husky jeans - Louise crawls out from under the music rock with Greg's Top Ten hits - and we introduce the newest, guestiest host to the Awesome Train crew, Katie.


DOWNLOAD Awesome Train podcast #040

MUSIC FEATURED:
Beyoncé: 'Ego' (Remix) [feat. Kanye West]
Yeasayer: 'Ambling Alp'
The XX: 'VCR'

NEWS:
Dog Shoots Hunter
‘Gothic kittens’ — groomer pierces necks, ears
Snooki plays coy on nude photos
Shoulder blade

VIDEO:
Oz banker caught porn-surfing on live TV

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Jonathan, Greg & Louise
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Go Do Something

Awesome Train podcast #039

January 27th, 2010
THIS WEEK, Greg shows his master debater skills in another heated Awesome Train - we thrown down on hooking up after a dryspell (slump busting to Greg) - being Sexy VS. Appealing - rock the flute on Prince's new fight song - punk a Nigerian minster - and more news and music.


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MUSIC FEATURED:
Cold War Kids: 'Audience'
Ghostface Killah: 'Do Over' ft. Raheem "Radio" DeVaughn
The Temper Trap: 'Sweet Disposition'
Friendly Fires: 'Skeleton Boy'

NEWS:
Holiday Inn Offers 'Human Bed-Warming Service' to Combat Icy Sheets
Cops stop cyclist with butcher knife-pool cue axe
Peruvian doctors amputate wrong leg, then right one

VIDEO:
Nigerian Man Gets Fresh Princed On Christian TV!
Prince's new fight song for the Minnesota Vikings

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Jonathan, Greg & Louise
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Awesome Train podcast #038

January 13th, 2010
THIS WEEK, we rank our options of highway bathrooms - GIRL TALK shows off our zits to the public - a disillusioned tattoo experience - Creed Shreds! - nerds find World of Warcraft love with 42 year old women - and more news and music.


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MUSIC FEATURED:
Fyfe Dangerfield: 'When You Walk in the Room'
the Dodos: 'Fables'
Noah And The Whale: 'Stranger'
Vampire Weekend: 'California English Pt. 2'

STORIES:
Teen found after meeting his 42-year-old online 'soulmate'
'Cougars,' 'cubs' unwelcome on Carnival cruises

VIDEO:
Creed Shreds

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Awesome Train podcast #037

January 6th, 2010
AND WE'RE BACK! To start 2010 we find the humor in fighting off squatters at the hospital during the holidays - determine if a creepy kid in Back to the Future 3 is pointing at his junk - listen to the Halloween theme song during a wedding dinner - and avoid hooking Greg up with a plumpy nurse - and more news and music.


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MUSIC FEATURED:
Sleigh Bells: 'Ring Ring'
We Were Promised Jetpacks: 'It's Thunder and It's Lightening'
The Rocketboys: 'Sights and Sounds'
Sea of Bees: 'Willis'

STORIES:
Vengeful brother posts sisters '2010 Hook Up List' on Facebook and reveals all
Frazzled Roxbury mom calls the cops on teen gamer
Police: Ohio Woman Hit Window Over Lack of Nuggets

VIDEO:
Creepy Kid from Back To The Future 3 points to his flux capacitor

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