Hey Guy-Who-Sends-His-Girlfriend-Flowers-At-The-Office. How ya been?
Listen, I've been meaning to talk to you - you're a douche.
We get it, buddy. You love your girlfriend/wife/spouse/life partner and she's REALLY important to you. So important that you feel the need to make a scene in front of all her co-workers so even THEY know how important she is to you.
Well guess what? No one gives a shit! What are we going to do with your fancy show other than think you are a sissy mo-bag. Why not take it to the next level and propose to her at our next staff meeting? Sounds about what you would do.
What you should have gotten was a Valentine's day gift for yourself - removing your balls from your stomach where they've been hiding since you started dating shnookum-pants.
I can't wait to see you again, when you are proposing to your girlfriend on the Jumbotron. Love you and your showy displays of public love!
Jonathan
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