Did you see the previews for this new movie with Mel Gibson? He’s some type of super-cop-detective (original) and his activist daughter gets murdered! A completely unpredictable sequence of events ensues leading him to conduct a rogue investigation!!! He uncovers all sorts of government conspiracies and cover-ups and stupid bullshit crap. Aside from the lame plot, one element to this movie irks me to no end and it is not unique to this movie, so I will address it in an open letter to Hollywood:
Dear Hollywood,
Hi.
It’s been awhile. How are you? Good? Oh good…. yeah… I’m good too… You look good…. No really… yeah… so…. yeah… This is awkward. I’ve been staying away from you lately, mainly because of your horrible stories and cheesy scripts that you try to hide with CRAZY special effects. And they are CRAZY!! Hahaha! Oh, they are crazy…
Now don’t get me wrong, this phase has led to instant classics such as Poseidon and the recent 2012. And I do appreciate the effort, but I digress…
I’m writing to address your recent fascination with old, washed-up actors playing tough guys. Yes, we all liked Taken. But I have some bad news - old men don’t beat people up. (I’m looking at you, Harrison Ford in Indiana Jones!) Old men don’t fight government agents and mercenaries!! Old men watch NCIS in recliners, complain about back pain, and run out of energy walking up the stairs. I’m sorry, Hollywood. While I’d like to believe Mel Gibson can beat up 25 year-olds with knives and guns (I actually don’t want to believe that at all…), I don’t.
In conclusion, please return to your wheelhouse of making crappy, look-what-we-can-do-with-CGI-movies directed by Michael Bay.
Sincerely,
Greg
